PAY ATTENTION
| I can speaker English all proper and that. | ||||||||||
LISTEN, I’VE BEEN GETTIN IT ON WITH PEANUT BUTTER LONG BEFORE YOU SO BACK OFF CHOCOLATE CHICK
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. PEANUT BUTTER AND TEA. BREAD AND BUTTER IN THE GUTTER. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
here’s my bath.
I’ve just pulled it out the outhouse ready for next month’s washathon.
Of course we share it with a few others in the street as there’s only
enough coal to heat the bath once, so we draw lots to see who goes first.
Now that I am getting serious about doing some work I decided I needed
to buy a packet of biscuits to go with my tea, after all, that’s what any real
office based professional would do, and despite me not actually having a desk, nor
a wacky looking pen holder with an array of brightly coloured pens and pencils
in all different shapes and colours, I thought at least this was a step in the right
direction and a testimony to my professional intent.
No sooner was I home with said biscuits (Chocolate Digestives by the way)
I hear an article on the radio how research just released shows that nearly 50%
of the UK population has suffered from some biscuit eating related injury.
Talk about timing. It didn’t stop me from enjoying my well deserved tea break
but I was more careful not to choke on any crumbs, making sure I took a good
gulp of tea with every bit, as it turns out crumb choking is indeed one of the
main injuries suffered by the great UK biccie eating population, and I
didn’t want to be another negative statistic adding to the now darkening view
of a previously enjoyable event.
I decided to research this further. Apparently…
- There is a 1/50 chance of a crumb getting into an orifice with sufficient force to cause irritation
- A crumb travelling 10 cm horizontally when a biscuit is broken in the lab has the potential to get into the ear.
- The cost to the individual of orifice irritation is (conservatively) estimated at £400, more if you go private.
So, not only is biscuit eating a potentially risky activity to the wider population (and i mean wider in both senses of the word) but it is having a negative impact upon the NHS. I have had more than my fair share of orifice irritation of late and now in an attempt to appear more professional with some chocolate biscuits, I am in danger of screwing up my last remaining orifice yet to be unscathed by the rigours of a lustful appetite.
I’m now officially orificially challenged. Surely there’s some funding available somewhere for me?
I want a big pink ring cushion on the NHS, and enough non crumbly biscuits to last the year.
BBC: Cadbury snubs £10.2bn Kraft move
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/8241056.stm
This is yet another subversive attempt at controlling our minds.
I say we blockade all the corner shops and let them nowhere near
our Fruit and Nuts.
It’s bad enough they stole Terry’s Chocolate Oranges, but to lose
Chocolate Buttons, Curly Wurlys, and Creme Eggs…
it’s just too much.
Side note: A finger of fudge.
Now synonymous with anal sex.
It is no longer possible to think of this
without imaging a finger up your arse.
The BBC Newcastle published this picture as it was remembering when the first Tyne Tunnel was
built back in 61. I love the pictures of the lesser known pedestrian tunnel because it looks like
something from some antiquated subterranean space base for international crooks or mad scientists.
This tunnel is crying out loud for some weirdness. It has a touch of Irreversible
about it, which is about as uncomfortable and fascinating as a film can get.
This place is on my list of places to visit, tripod and camera in tow, weirdness in mind.
I like a man with a few enigmatic catchphrases under his belt, and…
“When the seagulls follow the trawler,
it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea”
..is right up there with the best.
Now that ALWAYS made perfect sense to me,
despite the press writing him off as a nutcase,
following his 30 second press conference.
That damn cool kung fu kick of his probably set him up for his current Hollywood career,
enigmatic, volatile, creative… and all because someone called him a
cheese eating surrender monkey.
This post is sponsored by yesterday’s search terms.
- “sex with foreign objects”
- “memonkeygirl”
- “triad girl fcking”
- “monkey girl sex”
- “kites”
I’ve decided I should now just post to see what search terms tomorrow brings.
I’m hoping for more variations of monkey sex. Fingers crossed the insult
hurled at Cantona throws up a few newies.
If I was a frisky chick living alone without any prospect of sex in the foreseeable future,
then I’d probably be drawn to making titillating posts that titillate me more than anybody else
and see what new joys of Internet searchers the title brings in.
WordPress blog stats are my main source of amusement at present.
That and taking silly photographs of toys and fruit.
The only coconut milk sex toy news I have is that I have started adding
coconut to my porridge and milk, and it tastes gorgeous and I have this
coconut picture off my retro pin up calendar and that makes me think
very much about sex and when when when WHEN WHEN… not that I
am struggling with friskiness or anything. Toys. I have no toys.
Well yes I do, I just don’t like them. I prefer things, men, objects,
like that tree. I mean just look at that chick on that tree.
Damn. I want that tree.
